Confidence and Courage are YOURS to increase
While pushing through my work out today, I started thinking about the private choices we make that either ADD to our confidence or REDUCE our confidence. And on ‘1’ of the run around the building circuits, I considered WHEN I am the most courageous. How that ties to confidence. For me, there is always a personal integrity attached to how I ‘feel’. And although I learned YEARS not to make a decision solely on emotion or feelings, it’s not realistic to dismiss their power entirely. Quickly, my own list emerged, so let me ask you, WHEN and under what CIRCUMSTANCES (that are created and driven by our choices MOST of the time) are you the most confident. Name them!
- When the INTENTIONAL Design of my day has integrity-DESIGN YOUR LIFE 90 day planner process, Weekly Plan Sheet, sticky note detail of my time.
- When I am in God’s Word, honest in confession and prayer, praying for people and situations I have said I would.
- When I have integrity with what I consume– whole foods, sugar free, veggies + protein in proportion to what I have learned about nutrition and my body.
- When I am in an active, daily learning mode- pod cast, reading.
- When what I listen to (silence, music, TV, other people) lines up with what my public voice says I value.
- When I keep my weight within my best range and on the low end the more onfident (YES, it is a factor. NOT saying it is for YOU, but I’m sharing MY list— you get to make your own!)
- When I reflect BACK on my Bucket list, goals and Values frequently or at LEAST at the end of the week before DESIGNING a new week to make sure I am keeping INTEGRITY with what I SAY I want!
- When I am coaching leaders who RECEIVE and embrace the time investment and who are ACCOUNTABLE with applied action. And/or when I am in GREAT communication with them!
These are a few… but these are the MAIN ones. If you have followed my life or leadership journey at all, these aren’t a surprise! WHY? Because part of being successful in any area of life is to be transparent and accountable with the areas that matter to you. So, here I am–a ‘few’ pounds up from just not consistently being prepared each week with the best choices, a lot of travel, and other dynamics within my control, I have to THINK about what to wear differently. It creates a bigger focus on ‘ME’ which means a lesser focus on YOU. I don’t like that. It chips at my confidence. Nobody wants to be hypocritical. And of course one way to avoid that is to hide, not state your struggles, your goals, your daily battles for excellence. Another is to buy into ‘it doesn’t matter’– that is ridiculous. AGAIN, these are MY triggers, my temptations, my challenges and my results. Both to lose and elevate my confidence. If I want to raise it, I give my BEST, I step OUT of my comfort zone. I DO things I don’t FEEL like doing but know I will FEEL better after I do. I interact even though staying home or hiding is EASIER. I choose to be accountable with someone(s) in my same ‘lane’ about it. I’d RATHER KNOW how to win, how to FEEL best, what the results of that.
After trying on clothes in the Neimans dressing room yesterday, I had my own ‘come to Jesus”. NOT letting this run away from me. Even though my flight got into Nashville from Dallas at 10:40; even though I got to bed after midnight, I KNEW that without accountability and a plan, I would bail on my workout. So from the airport, I texted my friend. D1 at 8:45? Her ‘YES’ was my insurance to not sleep in and to take immediate action on what I SAID I wanted to do. I worked harder. I watched my heart monitor and calorie burn increase. I focused on WINNING! AS I type at 4:15 pm, it’s at 1637 burned. I’ll have at least 500 more burn before bed time. A winning day. Now to add tomorrow to my accumulation factor victory!
Funny when you’re not working on goals, days fly. When you’re not tracking health, a year can pass ad we say “How did i gain 10 lbs? I don’t even EAT that much!” (denial) “Why is my team the same size? I work 6 days a week” (denial). When you’re tracking ANYTHING… a day crawls. And the accumulation factor seems to move at a snails pace when working to CREATE a habit, to ACCOMPLISH a goal, to TRACK activity! But TRUTH: The accumulation factor is going to be engaged no MATTER what. You just get to choose in what direction results are accumulating!
SO, WHAT ARE YOURS? You know that answer! I may have had more practice getting mine ‘under disciplined habit’, more times to ‘see saw’ back and forth in victory and defeat, but YOU know what yours are! You KNOW when you feel most POWERFUL, the most CONFIDENT! MAKE your list! And THEN… put the list in your design book in the right places.
- If you haven’t set a GOAL that stretches you because you aren’t sure you can hit it (code for I’m not sure I’m willing to do the activity, pay the price, get out of my comfort zone, change my schedule), then DO THAT! And then break that goal down and create the habit to support it.
- If it is a personal health or financial habit that has been nagging your thoughts or occasional conversation, SET it as a goal and then CREATE the habit to support it!
- If it is truly RE designing your day by exercising your COURAGE muscle, then you will need to re frame ‘rejection’ and ‘failure’. DO THAT! ALL successful people learn how to manage both. Without courage unleashed, you will remain the same.
Once you have defined in your DESIGN BOOK your 2-3 categories for Goal Accomplishment, broken those down into quarterly/monthly, weekly-‘benchmark, then the work is in the daily! That yellow sticky sheet is your MONEY! It takes work and self discipline to prioritize your 6 most and then to assign a time to that and to STICK it! But you can and you will! There is CONFIDENCE in the DECISION!
Questions for you to journal:
- What would be 1-3 advantages- REWARDS of increased confidence?
- Under what circumstances/choices do i feel most confident and powerful? MAKE YOUR LIST.
- What would need to change for me to put those choices back into my daily routine?
- What is my BIGGEST incentive for doing this? Who benefits?
- HOW will I know when to celebrate?
- What are the consequences of NOT doing it?
- How do I want to feel ‘most’?
- What is the ONE thing that if I do that, it will make the biggest impact and make other things less important or irrelevant? (ARE YOU WILLING?)
We were built for the struggle. Common to all humanity. Something we ‘get and know’, we can veer from when we ignore the environment, habits and accountability that created our biggest success. Because we are also built for SUCCESS– to grow, to improve, to increase and to make a difference for others! YOU can DESIGN your life and you CAN Live your VISION!
December 26, 2016 @ 3:13 am
I love it.
August 27, 2017 @ 9:51 pm
Thank you so much for this blog! It is very helpful and I am excited to put it to work.
October 8, 2017 @ 1:54 pm
I just ordered my next design book and stopped here to read….what a blessing! I have been using this system for the last year and have seen so much improvement. It’s been slow but it has been progress and I am grateful (and continuing!). This was a great post! Thank you for sharing!
January 28, 2019 @ 10:28 am
I need this book in my life✨
June 3, 2019 @ 6:26 pm
I hope you got one Valarie! GOD SPEED